my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just forgot I was standing up.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize