Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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