a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
