My nipple is on Facebook.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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