I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
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My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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