pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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