my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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