get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
