Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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