you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
