I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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