I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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