Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
