I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
