You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
