this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You ruined the universe
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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