OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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