I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
