Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
