Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
