Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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