I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
