I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
