found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
