Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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