I'm going to jail i love you
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
