he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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