This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
