You just made me feel so damn special
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
