so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
