I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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