all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
