Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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