I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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