There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
