we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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