my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
