Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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