My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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