He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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