I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
