So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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