Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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