It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
