I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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