Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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