i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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