My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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