my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
