Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
