a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
