If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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