I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
