Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
