There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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