Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize