I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
