I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
