This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you would pick up someone in the library
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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