I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i believe in u and ur pee
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
