Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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