Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
