i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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