He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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