No, you can still breathe under the balls.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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