Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
