I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
