I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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