They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
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