i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
