My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
