Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
