you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
