how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
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It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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