go do what you do best...puke behind churches
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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