How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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