I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
this must be what syphilis tastes like
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
