I would go down on you faster than GM stock
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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